“I want to sue them for every dollar that they have.”
It was the opening words from Harry Black as he stepped into the office of a local attorney that he made contact with after spotting their ad at a local bus stop. Harry quickly took in the office visually as he scanned around upon entering the room. It wasn’t exactly what you would expect from a big city lawyer, but that wasn’t something that Harry could afford at this point of his career.
“Well son I will do my best!”
The lawyer, Stephen P. Old extended his hand for Black to shake as he stood up from behind his wooden desk. Black took one look at the potential coronavirus infected hand of the legal eagle and greeted him with a nod instead before sitting in the chair opposite the lawyer. Old didn’t seem to take any offence as he sat back down behind his desk and picked up a tatty notepad and a chewed biro.
“Now Harry, why don’t you start at the beginning?”
Black tried to settle back in the uncomfortable chair before beginning his story of betrayal.
“Look, it’s simple. I won a #1 contendership match for the World Championship when I defeated Jace Wheeler back in January. By winning this match the contracted guaranteed me a match for the title against the champion ‘Lunchbox’ Larry.”
The lawyer was struggling to keep up with the strange names that Black was throwing at him as he continues to scribble notes.
“Now I was all booked in for this match, the biggest of my career, when suddenly the FWF changes its name to the UTA and now I am fighting some jobber named Malcom Dred-King and Larry is defending his title against Raging Dead!”
The lawyer looked up to check if he had heard the last name correctly…. He had.
“Sorry Harry, I’m struggling to see how you are going to sue anyone here in a court of law, there isn’t any law that I know about in regards to having a terrible name.”
Black shook his head frustrated with the lawyer.
“No you don’t understand. The whole name change from the FWF to the UTA is clearly a conspiracy to screw me out of my title shot! If they are not going to honour my match then I want to sue for breach of contract!”
The lawyer sucked on his teeth as he leaned back and thought about the potencial case.
“I mean if you have evidence of this contract you speak of then maybe there would be a way. Would it not be easier to defeat this Malcolm character and just get yourself another championship shot?”
Black angrily shook his head and stood to his feet.
“You don’t understand, I shouldn’t have to earn myself another shot at the title, I have already earned one! I checked out this Malcolm Dred-King that they have me facing and he is some semi-retired old guy! I mean he is so old that I had to read his biography and career highlights in three sessions!”
The lawyer shrugged his shoulders with indifference.
“Look Harry, this is a no win no fee type of deal…. But if we don’t win that means I don’t get paid and I don’t like our chances with this one. The match contract sounds like it is with the FWF but your employment contract now sounds like it is with the UTA…”
“Forget it, let me go and find a lawyer that didn’t get their qualification from a cereal box.”
Black petulantly swept the office desk clear of all of the papers as he stood up before angrily storming out of the lawyers office, unsuccessful in his quest for legal representation.
"JESUS SHIT TITS"
- Kentucky Tarzan